Each of my children has such an interesting story. This story is about Martha, who is now 14 years old. Back in 1982, my husband and I decided we were ready for another child. Our hearts really went out to the children who had the least chance of being adopted. We already had dealt with a few handicaps, so looked to Holt International Children’s Service to find a child. They had the most wonderful books with hundreds of pictures of children looking out almost saying, “Please look at me, I am a child, I want a mom and dad, please give me a chance.” These books were put together by staff, and the children chosen were ones they felt needed a little extra push to get adopted. The write-ups obviously were done by people who loved and knew each child. There were several books from several countries, so it was really hard to “choose” a child. Once I felt like we were “shopping” for a child. That made me feel a bit uneasy, but we continued to turn page after page of cute kids. We then decided to put a piece of paper by the children we were interested in...and there was about 20 pieces of paper. That was just too many, so we finally narrowed it down to 4 pictures.

We came back another day with our first choice. We took out the book to show the caseworker, and...someone had written something like, “Hold for a family.” Our hearts dropped, then we saw our last name had been written on the page!! We asked the caseworker about that and she said, “I don’t know about that, but...it is my writting, but I don’t remember writing that.”

That was the first of the miracles of Martha’s placement and life. Martha’s page also said, “Has moderate Cerebral Palsy...probably unadoptable.” She was a somber looking little girl, with chubby cheeks and whisps of dark, straight hair. Weeks went by, and finally we received the arrival notice. She was 18 months old.

The airport wait is so hard. Minutes seem like hours. The other kids were getting a bit noisy, but still pretty well behaved. Then the plane arrived. We pushed our faces against the window, hoping to see something, but couldn’t. As each passenger arrived, our hearts beat faster. We stood on tip toe, trying to see her coming. Finally, we saw her being carried, she couldn’t walk. Her eyes were huge with fear. There was no way that this was part of her plan, and she did not want to leave the arms of the escort. Kicking and screaming, she was placed in my arms. She had on a cute, very warm, green coat and pants. There was a strange smell about her, no not a poopy diaper, just a new smell. I found out later it was probably due to the oil heating they had in Korea. It was late at night, and we had a 2 hour car ride home, so we just went out to the car. That’s when the “regular” smell of a dirty diaper hit us! In the dark (our car’s interior light didn’t work), I changed her diaper. There were so many clothes on her, it was a bit hard, but I at least got rid of the ucky smell. We found a trash can near by. Martha had stopped screaming, but her eyes remained big with fear. Our other children talked and sang to her, and she began to relax. Finally, they all fell asleep. At home, we just put her right to bed.

In the morning she awoke with a startled scream. She was really confused, and we could feel her lack of trust, her anger, but still her wanting to be held by me. Thank goodness she was still on a bottle, and that seemed to be the only familiar thing for her. We played some Korean music, but that almost made her mad. That strange smell was still imbedded in her skin, so I decided to give her a bath. When I finally undressed her, I started to cry. I had never seen such a "skin and bones" child. Yet, her cheeks were rosy and chubby. Each rib seemed to be only covered by a thin layer of skin. Her stomach was sunken, even though she had been drinking from a bottle. We always try to take our new kids to our doctor within hours of their arrival, so we already had an appoitment for that afternoon. Our pediatrician checked her over and his diagnosis was dehydration and mal nutrition!!

It was absolutely amazing, but each hour seemed to give Martha a little more trust. We saw such a dramatic change in her, that I wish now we would have videotaped those early days. Her sparkle, her joy, her love soon became apparent. We signed her up for Early Intervention, and that began the many months of education, therapy, etc. It was easy, though, because Martha always did her best. She showed that she was a survivor, but one whom also loved life, and had confidence in herself to the fullest extent. She was also an absolute doll!!

We found out that she did have Cerebral Palsy, normal intelligence, and a rare form of Muscular Dystrophy. It was the type that would probably not get worse. For a couple of years, she was in specialized, orthopedic classes at a school on the other side of town. The teachers loved her, and she progressed really well. She used a wheelchair for long distances, and a walker for short distances like in the classroom.

I felt, though, that she needed to be in our neighborhood school. I believed that the socialization with kids in our area was very important. That would give her the opportunity to go to more birthday parties, be in Brownies, etc. The school staff was against that. They felt she needed to be in an intense program, which could only be provided in the specialized class. The staff said it would be difficult for the neighborhood school, “They don’t have the experience to know how to get her on the stage for a program. She might have to miss something, because we couldn’t get there in time to show them.” On and on it went, but my husband and I still felt we needed to try our neighborhood school anyway. We did agree that if things were difficult for our daughter in 3 months, we would re-evaluate things. Well, at the next IEP meeting, the new, regular teacher talked in glowing terms about Martha, and said that she rarely used the wheelchair, using the walker for long distances, and getting around the class without a walker!!! Everyone just stopped for a moment, and said something about that none of that was in the IEP. The teacher said she had never had a child with CP, and was then worried that she did something wrong. I immediately jumped in and said “Thank you.” She said that actually it was Martha’s idea!! From then on, we received no more “worries” about cute little Martha.

She has continued to stand up for her rights. She has been on a regular soccer team, since about 2nd grade. This is the first year she has chosen not to be on the team, because she wants to get top grades so she can go to a good private school. This next term she will be in a leadership class. Everywhere we go, kids come up to her and talk with her. Her speech sometimes is very difficult to understand, and her walk is awkward and usually slower than her peers, but that doesn’t stop her personality from shining through.

What a joy it is to be her mother. And...we are good friends also. It’s fun to hear about her beliefs, her experiences (good and bad), and to just giggle over things. I am putting up a poem she just wrote. It is so beautiful! One of her favorite classes is Journalism. I think she will end up being a writer some day.