I have 3 daughters, all biracial (very, very light skin), all sibs. All three have different hair.

I used to keep their hair cut short. It was easy to wash, easy to brush, and those masses of short curls sure looked cute - at least, to us whites it did. Then they hit school - and came home in tears every day because the other black girls taunted them about looking like boys. I could see the self-esteem indexes plummeting, so I let them grow their hair out.

The youngest (5) has silky soft hair with "white" wavy curls. She wants long, flowing tresses and is willing to put up (tearfully) with our daily working out the knots and snarls. The middle (6) has soft hair with thick curly curls. She too wanted long hair until the knots and snarls became too painful - then she begged me to cut it. Her hair definitely is not what anyone would call "black" hair (people always ask if she's from South America) and she looks great with a thick mass of curls framing her face in a halo. No one, black or white, has ever really teased her about her hair because she is not perceived by either race as being black. The oldest (8) has fine dry frizz (but not nappy) that kinks into tight Afro curls that looks BEAUTIFUL when kept short and conditioned with black hair care curl activator. But she was constantly teased and taunted about looking like a boy, so we've let it grow.

My oldest daughter and I visited a black beauty shop last year to get some ideas for hair care. Ouch, was I stepping into a place where I wasn't welcome! The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. We went home and I did a home relaxer once with her - what a mess! I followed the directions to the T, but it didn't work well; and even though I used one for children, her scalp still got chemical burns. We fooled around with hot combing her hair straight, which she grew bored with very quickly (I was glad, because hot combing dried and fried her hair horribly.) I don't do braids, twists, plaits, cornrows, etc. because the kids don't want them (direct quote from my 8 year old: "Mom, that's a black thing. I'm not black, I'm brown.") What the girls do want to do is just to pull their hair back, or up, into a puffy bun. With lots of fancy pony tail holders with bangles and baubles. EASY! The oldest is asking for spiral curls when her hair gets long enough. Her hair might even do it naturally when it grows out to shoulder length.

I've spent the last 8 years brushing, combing, and picking my way into slow insanity. Adoption classes should include a lengthy segment on hair care for AA and biracial girls - and I'm not kidding! Those of us who are white have NO IDEA what we're getting into. And it's such a deeply ingrained cultural identity issue that we NEED to know! Good intentions aren't enough.

BTW, a wonderful book to read to your daughter is "CORNROWS". I forget the author, but it might be Eloise something. Tells all about how the different braiding designs tell stories, and how the mothers and grandmothers continue oral storytelling traditions during the combing and braiding process.

- Pat

Cream for Ashy Skin

For very dry and ashy skin, try Eucerin cream. It is much more effective than the lotion and lasts longer. It takes a little longer to apply and smooth out, but that's a nice time for soothing talk about beautiful brown skin and lots of gentle, loving touch. Our daughter, now 19 (boy, how time flies!), still uses it, tip to toe. Avoid anything with perfumes (very drying).

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From One Who Personally Knows

I have followed this hair discussion with interest because I have lived it as a child and an adult and now with my daughter. I hated the hair issue because mine would never be long unless I did something artificial with it. My curls are thick and tight. I used to hate them, but now I love them ever since a dear friend found the tiny, perfectly round black ringlets on the floor referred to them with terms of endearment.

So here is some of what I have learned . . . If you go with an Afro, i.e., natural, the easiest and cheapest way to comb the hair each day is wet. I should know, I have worn an afro for years--plus I have gone the hot comb, chemical perm, curly perm, etc. etc.

I wet my hair thoroughly each morning under the tub faucet and then wrap it with a towel. After it is no longer dripping, I put a few drops of vegetable oil in my palms, rub in both palms and then rub my palms all over my hair, pressing down to get the oil in. My scalp is sensitive to hair products, so I have been using corn oil, safflower oil, etc,. for years. It leaves my hair soft and without an odor.

I use a metal pick (used to be called a cake cutter), which I bought from Meijer. I systematically work from the ends to the roots so that I do not hurt my scalp or have too much breakage. I comb my hair straight out all the way around. Then I shape it lightly by patting it gently with my hands and then tie a scarf on it ever so lightly.

My 9 year old is bi-racial. She started wetting her hair under the tub faucet after she saw me doing it. If she wanted curls she would let it air dry. If she wanted a frizz, she would comb it after it air dried.

Now she has extensions, which grace her face nicely. I let her have a perm (kicking and screaming, I might add, because I loved her naturally loose curls), but she wanted to be like the white girls in her class. The extensions were her next request. Which have saved us countless night and mornings of arguing and crying (her) about hair. It is a bear to remove, I did it once on my own. She said she would help, but she went to sleep after a few half-hearted attempts when she found it really was work. I vowed to never do it again, but . . .

And this is just the beginning of the hair journey for her. I try to down play it by complimenting her on whateverway she does her hair unless it is absolutely wacko.

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"Mom, I will tell you when I want my hair braided."
by: Lynne

My 4yo AA daughter recently had exensions in her hair which took over 7 hrs, as she had to take many "breaks". We had an appointment to have her hair braided again, and she said "Mom, I will tell you when I want my hair braided". She is very content with her short little afro, that looks adorable. Her hair is very short and curly, yet has never been cut. I am frequently stopped and told how "pretty" she is by people who do not have to say this.

I see many attractive black adults with very short hair, similar to hers, and this is their choice. Personally, I do not feel the need to go with all the braids and beads, if this is what my daughter does not want right now. If she decides she wants it done again, we will do it.
LynneLynne

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Hair and Self-Esteem
by Nancy

One of the parts of having African-American kids that many Caucasian moms seem to have trouble with is that the child/baby doesn't *want* to have her hair combed. I'm not sure why this is, since the very same mothers wouldn't give in if their child threw a fit because she wanted something else not good for them, like candy at the grocery line. Maybe it's because many Caucasian mothers don't understand what a critical issue proper hair care really is -- doing it wrong can *seriously* wound your child's self-esteem, racial pride, and ultimately severely impact whether she will be acceptable to the other children at school and other adults when she matures. This is because learning to 'be Black' is a *cultural* and not a biological imperative; by that I mean that Black children learn to get along with each other one step at a time, so that by the time they are adults, they can become a support system to each other in a world that is sometimes very cold and hostile to African- Americans.

Doing your child's hair by cutting it off can *thwart this whole process,* because though to YOU she may look just fine, even cute with that short haircut, to other little Black girls and boys she is going to be talked about as looking like a BOY. She is going to be laughed at, ridiculed, and avoided when it is time to play games, have silly conversations, have slumber parties -- you get the idea, I hope. Because to Black America, hair is a symbol of the pride in *being* Black, and to ignore it, or treat it like a burden is tantamount to treating the very fact of being African-American itself as a burden as well.

Anyway, if your little baby, and then your little girl is one of those kids who just don't fit in because her hair is 'nappy' or 'looks crazy' or 'like a boy,' then your child is going to grow up unable to relate to Blacks because she won't be able to participate in learning the lessons. This puts her at high risk of having to then have to find all of her primary friendships with white kids, which may ALSO seem just fine, even very progressive to YOU, but which will mean that she ALWAYS has to be the one who is 'different;' the one whose race is always an issue, the one who can't ever relax. This will cause low self-esteem, and can profoundly impact your daughter's chances of achieving a satisfying and *comfortable* life.

HAIR is very important, and I hope you will take another look at combing your daughter's. It is for all the reasons above that any Black mom whose kid threw a tantrum at having her hair combed would be a gentle as possible, but would nonetheless continue with the task. Babies shouldn't be put in control of such a high-life-impact decision, and African-American mothers know this.

God bless... Nancy Belk
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Response to Above Post
One parent responded to Nancy previous post:

I work with several black women. They wear their hair in a variety of ways, very short, long, done up fancy, straightened. "All black people" don't do any one thing, about hair or anything else.
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Nancy responded:

You're absolutely right, they absolutely don't, everyone Black or white is an individual. But by the logic you use in your post, it would also be okay to send your son to school in a dress, or some other gender-specific garb, on the basis that this is just a sexist issue...

I know that your intentions are good, but I really suggest that you talk to the women at work about what it was like being a *little girl,* as compared to being a grown woman with a life and a mature personality of her own. It might help to print out these posts, and get some feedback from other women besides me who also live in the community. It really isn't the same, I think you are comparing apples and oranges.

Children aren't a political statement. Children are little, emotionally sensitive people whose whole way of looking at life is influenced by the hurts they experience in childhood. I fear that if you force your daughter to go through this experience on the grounds that you state, that she *may* very well say and do what you want her to, but she may nonetheless suffer just the low self-esteem in the process that WILL make it much more difficult to say those critical no's to peer pressure in her teens and early adulthood.

It really isn't fair to use a child to try to change a system. If you want to do that, it would be much kinder to your daughter for YOU to be a role model by doing things that are politically incorrect but strongly believed in for YOURSELF, and *when she is as mature and confident as you are*, she will probably follow suit. IMHO.
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New ideas added April 23, 2000: Be sure and use ONLY natural boar's hair brushes.

I found cholesterol yesterday at the Dollar Tree for a dollar (what else!) a jar. I got some and I love it! It even made my hands feel soft.

Suggestions for kids who are swimmers:

What has worked well for us is a two-fold approach. Swim caps have been sorta pointless...but the best way to use one, we have found, is to cover the hair with a pair of pantyhose (you know how to make one of those caps, right?) and then pull the rubber cap over that...otherwise the swim cap pulls the hair. Mainly we leave our daughter's hair braided and use a combination of a hair dressing with sunscreen, a shampoo which deactivates chlorine (like the kind you used to use to keep blonde hair from turning green) which we work through the hair at least once a week and then rinse out, and LOTS of oil which seems to help protect the hair from drying out.

With my girls I leave their hairstyles in and rinse it very well. You can put conditioner in if it is getting very dry. For my AA kids I then add Dudleys Hair and scalp conditioner everyday. I get her braided every 2 weeks. Their hair stays healthy. For my bi-racial girls, I mix Dudleys and Nexus moisturizing conditioner. We swim all the time. Be sure not to over wash their hair. For their skin I use Motions extra moisturizing skin creme or Soft As Me. They add creme every time after they swim. They know the routine.

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Alternatives to braiding:

Rather then braiding, try twisting. I do this with one of my 4 year olds. She is hyper sensitive on her head, so just to comb out her hair is an ordeal. Section it off (front to back) 3 across the front, 4 ear to ear, 3 behind that and 3 at the neck line. I take small sections, separate it into 2 sections and twist them around one another. I get the tiny clips to put on the ends. I do use a cream conditioner and leave it in. Wrap her head at night. If it gets fuzzy, just undo the ones that look bad and redo them I use very bright colors, that look good on her.

I've had hair extensions on my daughter's hair several times, starting when she was 2 1/2. The first time, the extensions were much too heavy and tight, and caused a lot of breakage. I learned how to do the extensions myself so that I could do it more carefully without causing damage to her hair ~ but it's lots of work.

Extensions seem like overkill for a toddler. Twists are a lot easier.

I am doing the tiny little twists (two strands, not three) all over her head and sometimes do beads. I do wash the twists as they are and leave them for a month. What do you do daily though? My daughter's hair, as is expected, is very dry, so I've been applying Blue Magic to the twists each day. That in itself is quite a process!

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Ideas to Help Kids hold still while you’re doing their hair:

The way that I kept my daughter still for extensions was to bring her favorite videos and have her sit on my lap ~ however she was by no means still and she cried a lot. It was not fun!

Toddlers are the worst for sitting still. This weekend was hairwash/hairdo weekend for my 2 1/2 year old. I spent two hours Saturday afternoon taking the then current twists and beads out, and trying to get the worst of the woodchips, sand, and God knows what else combed out. I put it up in a single puff overnight. (I wish that wasn't so bad for her hair...she looks utterly adorable in it.). I washed and oiled it before her nap on Sunday. When she got up from nap, I then spent two hours retwisting and rebeading.

How did I do it?

I put her in her highchair, and plop it front of the TV with her favorite Wee Sing and Gullah Gullah videos. I also periodically give her raisins, craisins, and M & Ms. Bribery, pure and simple. She doesn't get to watch too much TV, or get much candy normally.

One AA lady I met suggested I get a little spray bottle and work on her hair a little at a time, spraying the area to wet it, and then letting her go play for awhile. I do this, but it's still a struggle.


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Some More Hair Products:

I went to Sallys (hair and beauty supply store) and bought a few things that I have not tried before: ion. shampoo and ion finishing detangler, also carriot oil.

The carriot oil I have put in the girls hair and scalp while doing the little braids on two of my little kids; also, when I put the braids with extensions. I have to tell you their hair looks and feels great! I have never tried either one before but if it keeps doing the job I am going to be one happy mommy. There was a lady in there that has five full AA children and that is what she uses on them,

I went to Sally's, the woman I asked was African American. I explained my dilemma, and she had me buy the Dark and Lovely shampoo. Told me to do the Blue Magic or some similar grease every other day and then decrease as the condition of Ashlyn's hair improves. She also agreed with the brushing and I did buy a natural boar bristle brush. Already had been using one of those on her, but didn't know it was called that. Anyway, she also said to do the cholesterol about once a week and to put a plastic cap on her head and leave for as long as she'll let it. I also bought the Dark and Lovely leave in conditioner/detangler. My helper didn't know why I needed to buy reconstructors either, so I felt really stupid most of the time!

I spend a LOT of money on my girls' hair. I use mostly KMS products because I have tried just about everything and it is the best. Pink Lotion just dries and coats the hair and makes a sticky mess eventually--take a look at their pillows when they wake up. I use Sebastian's Potion 7 once a week. Then I follow with KMS's Silkier line. In between, I use the Silkier leave in conditioner and reconstructor, but don't shampoo. It makes it much softer and easier to take care of. The reconstructor and leave in, if used more often than a week, continues to help make the hair less brittle and dry and makes it much easier to comb out and style. Never use mousses and gels that have alcohol in them.

Try an AA salon. I use Dudleys hair conditioner. It is thick and yellow but works great on all my kids.


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Short or Long Hair? A 12 year old’s experience

Our daughter, 12, had long hair when she came home to us at age 5. She loved it and would let me work with it, braid it, etc. She is 1/2 AA and 1/2 Cauc., and while her hair is very curly, it's a very soft curl. She has learned to care for it herself, but here's the thing: SHE now wants it cut fairly short. She loves it that way. It's about 3 inches long or so, and she does little twists with clippies sometimes, and has a elastic hair band that looks like black braided hair with little flowers in it--really cute on her! I worried about the 'don't cut your AA girls hair' statement, but since she is the one who wants it short, I let her. We also have quite a number of AA friends and I always am asking the ladies for advice. Many of them have extremely short, darling hairdos, so now I don't feel so funny.


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More AA hair care Ideas. My daughter, loves to go to the beauty salon. It is her special trip and Dad usually takes her. Sometimes she squirms but the beautician works quickly and somedays her hair is better than others. I think your daughter will learn how to sit and they feel good when they look so pretty. I add conditioner to her scalp. She still takes her bath and swims in the summer. You can rinse their hair or add conditioner even with the braids. Sometimes we do beads sometimes we don't. When I take it out I usually leave it in a bun for a day or 2. She has really thick hair. I also take my boys for the short African style.

Three of my daughters are AA and I have been learning these last two years about hair and skin care. (Once you get the hang of doing their hair, it is fun to do. It just takes practice). One of the best things for their hair has been olive or sesame oil to keep their scalps and hair oiled or conditioned. The important thing I've found is that you need to oil their hair to keep the scalp and hair soft and then you also need to use some sort of "grease" to make it easier to braid, twist, etc. Following is the routine for my 2 yr old as the younger two just need some oil in their hair and lotion/oil on their skin at this point.

This is what I do and my dear friend who is African American helped me at the beginning. I do this a section at a time on my daughter's hair:

About once a week, I wash her hair with a good shampoo that has conditioner in it.

I then condition it with a good conditioner (I use Paul Mitchell detangeler). I use a little bit per section and I usually leave it in even though it says to rinse it out.

About every 10 days to two weeks, I redo her braids/twists, varying the parts a little each time.

After conditioning, I take each braid or twist out and comb it out using a regular comb, ALWAYS starting at the bottom and not moving upward until I've gotten all of the lower tangles out. This is very important; otherwise you'll tear the hair.

After I've combed out a section or two, I will then make straight parts and comb or braid her hair, first using a ponytail holder to secure the section of hair. I then put some "grease" on the section, separate it and braid/twist and then finish with a barrette/ponytail holder or, I prefer, the little covered elastics that look like little doughnuts. (I worry about choking).

I have tried many different types of "grease" and use either Pink Lotion "Light" or one of the round jars that look like "Dippity Doo” (I think that's what it was called). It looks like a gel in a round jar. You think they'll be much greasier than they really end up being.

After a few hours, the hair absorbs it. I have never seen any kinds of stains on clothes, bed clothes, etc.

Don't worry about taking 4-6 weeks to get the hair in shape. I had to do it a section a week at a time because my daughter hated sitting still. It took me a good couple of months. Once I had her hair in shape, it was much easier to maintain. The first few months are the hardest. It feels like you're doing it all wrong but as long as you are conditioning the hair and then combing it out a little at a time and securing it (you don't have to braid or twist it if it is not long, just put it in an elastic), you will be on your way. This will help it grow and not break.

African American hair is fragile and the braids/twists will help protect it from breakage. Don't worry if it takes a while to get it right. My daughter has had a lot of hair since birth and, at 2 years old, I am just now feeling like I know what I'm doing. I still don't know how to cornrow her hair but I'm looking forward to finding out.

Here are some tips that have worked for me. I have 3 biracial daughters (9, 7 and 6) and hair is major.

Make sure that the ends are trimmed regularly. That will help keep frizzy, broken ends to a minimum and prevent snarls and tangles. If you do it yourself, trim it wet, combing through each section as you cut so you relax the hair before it springs back up.

Always comb hair after shampooing while still wet - NEVER wait until it dries. (But of course, you know that now, dont'cha?)

Always use LOTS of conditioner and detangler after each shampoo. It's almost impossible to use too much. Biolage/Matrix makes a nice slippery detangler, and most white hairstylists carry it (pricey, but worth it - if you like it, ask them to stock the really large bottles with pump dispensers.)

Have the girls wash and condition their hair in the shower. The force of the water coming down from the shower head will help "sheet" their hair straight, rather than getting snarly floating around in the tub. (This is great advice passed on to me from an AA hairstylist.)

Gently pat excess water from their hair, but do NOT rub it - hair will break, and you'll just rub in mats and tangles.

Work a small amount of hairdressing lotion or cream through their hair while still wet - this will help lubricate the hair while combing.

Fill a small spray bottle with a mixture of water and conditioner, and spritz it lightly over each section as you work. (This can also be done in the morning as you comb out the dry hair if you need to restyle it.)

Comb hair in small sections, and secure it (even temporarily) before going on to the next.

If using rubberbands (there are special hair rubberbands - very small black ones usually 100/bag for about $1) be sure to rub a small amount of hair lotion on them before putting them in - this will prevent the rubberbands from catching and breaking the hair. Also, when removing the rubberbands, don't try to undo them from the hair - just snip them off with a small scissors. This again prevents hair breakage and snarling.

Brushing will create a fluffy, pouffy, "Afro" kind of hair texture; combing will leave more of the curls. Either can be "correct" depending on how your daughter wants to style her hair. I found that with natural hair (i.e. not chemically straightened) it is easier to get a cleaner look to braids and twists if I brush my daughters' hair rather than combing it before I style. That way you can straighten out those errant little curls that always manage to sneak back up into the rest of the hair and mess up the finished braid.

Having the girls go to bed with satin sleep caps will keep braids and styled hair looking neat for several days, and also help prevent hair from matting and tangling during sleep. And it helps prevent moisture loss - cotton or poly blend pillow cases suck the oils out of hair.

Always use a good hairdressing lotion or cream before attempting to brush or comb wet or dry hair. Use a small amount to start with and comb it all the way through each section. Luster's Pink Lotion seems to be a standard, but I can't stand the way it makes the hair tacky (picks up a lot of dirt and lint), and I've heard several AA women say they hate it too. Soft Sheen Optimum Care is a really nice series of rich and emollient hair creams that work well, and should be readily available in drug stores, WalMart, etc. that have a section of black hair care products.

When you find hair products that work well and that your daughters like, stock up - you'll go through them quickly. In a pinch, remember that even the "whitest" store will have L'Oreal kids shampoo in a red fish shape bottle (with extra conditioners) and a tube of Alberto VO5 hair cream!

When my poor three year old was a baby, I didn't know that you could not wash her hair so much also I didn't treat her scalp with moisturizer. She ended up with hardly any hair at all, and in fact got dry patches and the stupid doctor said well just keep washing it.

I finally ran into a lady in Target that was AA. I felt really stupid but I wanted to help my daughter so I went up to this stranger and said HELP. She told me that my daughter should not have her hair washed more than once every two weeks,(this really caused me some problems as I felt I was not taking good care of her) and not to use anything with a scent to it.

I began using a product that is called Cholesterol. I first spray her hair down with water then I apply that to her scalp and her hair, I use a flat round brush to brush her hair their is also a product that is called Dark and Lovely conditioner and I spray that on the hair even if I have not washed it. It makes the hair soft and easy to brush out. Never brush her hair with out wetting it as it will break. I put the Cholesterol once a week and keep working it until it is all in the hair.

Your best bet would be to make friends with a good AA hairstylist who will show you the ropes. In the beginning, keep their hair styles simple.


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If I leave her hair natural, let it rest for a few days, what do I do?

One ANSWER:

Take out the twists. Thoroughly wash and condition her hair (using reconstructors and conditioners). Work leave-in through the hair with your fingers, trying to carefully work out the biggest knots with your fingers. Brush it out carefully with a boar's hair brush (natural bristle). I section it and keep a spray bottle of leave-in conditioner with me while brushing. Then I use headbands, clips or barrettes around the face for cutsie, sometimes I use those claw clips and twist it all up into a bun.

If I leave it natural, then I use a good gel (no alcohol) and work it through the hair. Each day I brush it out, I wet it down, work through the leave-in and start over. Every other day (until the hair reaches good condition) or every three days, I use the KMS Silkier Reconstructor, but no shampoo. Massage scalp and follow directions on bottle. Shampoo once every ten days to two weeks.

When brushing, make sure to brush from the roots out so it massages/cleans the scalp. I never wrap their hair at night, but I know lots of people who do. I do twist it up into a bun with a claw clip, making sure the clip is on top of the head where they won't lie on it.


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My Best Advice:

Try to find a natural product and do small sections at a time- you will probably have to use a comb to part it than add moisture. Detangle it gently and make sure it’s wet and put your conditioner on. Working on smaller areas is much easier. Find the product that you like best. I use 2 different things on my girls hair. Their textures and dryness are different.

Flax seed oil... Check with your local health food store, each of my kids gets 1 teaspoon per day. Soaking a kid in the tub also depletes the skin of moisture, so you'll want to be quick. I also don't use commercial soaps--make my own. Most "soaps" on the market aren't true soaps. But, I think what you can do is use something like Dove, use a moisturizing bar rather than soap and don't let them soak. A recipe for the lotion--It's not something you can just mix up from the store--but if you are interested more on soaps and lotions, you can go to the mountain sage site and there is info in there. You can make your own quite easily if you get the instructions from that site. The addy is www.the-sage.com

What are your favorite products? I ask everyone this and have never received the same answer twice! I spoke to an AA woman in McDonald's and she told me not to use stuff another woman said to use! The reason there's no consensus is because most people, don't know how to take care of their hair. The previous bunch of knowledge said that you oil the hair and the scalp and so on. This clogs the pores, coats the hair and makes it more dry and brittle in the end. Leaving braids in for long periods of time also does this and promotes cracking and breaking at the scalp making it hard for hair to grow. Most AA people think their hair grows better in braids. This is because when they take them out, their hair is longer (been left in a long time, so this is obvious) but soon breaks off and falls out--stress from the braids.

Most of my hair care knowledge for the girls has come from a local hair dresser who is VERY up on this stuff. She goes to hair shows two-three times a year and makes sure that she takes classes and workshops from black stylists. She has a huge black clientele from around here and everyone that goes there swears by her. It takes a while to put their hair back in shape, but if you give it time, it will work. That means sometimes that you keep working with it for six months to a year as black hair tends to grow quite slowly--except for my boys of course, who wished theirs grew as slowly as the girls. Sigh.

The longest I leave a style in is a week--yes my girls hate me doing their hair, but I have no options if I want their scalp to stay clean and their hair to be conditioned. BTW, if you make the cornrows, twists and braids small enough, you can massage the scalp and condition it (with the leave-in and the Reconstructor) even while it's in the style.

I learned this from a friend of our new member: when I take the braids out I also allow their hair to rest a week or so before putting them back in. If I am not going anywhere I have been known to not do much to the hair for a couple of days at time so that my daughter gets a rest from everything.

I also use the spray attachment from our kitchen sink to really get the scalp and the braids rinsed, there is also braid spray and other products that I use to make sure that the scalp and the hair has enough moisture.

With my two year old and three year old, I put little tiny braids in their hair and then put two or three beads on the ends of them depending on how long the hair is. You can wash their hair once a week with the braids and beads in, I leave the braids in about a month before taking them out and redoing them. It looks very nice and my two year old has enough hair to make a rug, and it is very long, so it is easy to sweep the braids up and put it into a pony tail and many other things as well. The first time that you put in the braids it will take a good while and you will need to give her and yourself many breaks, but she will love it in the end and so will you, no more daily fighting over the hair.

One of my AA daughters has *major* hair. AA beauticians regularly comment that it is exceptionally thick and kinky. If any of your girls are in this category, here are a couple more things to try with products that should be readily available in your town. Get a curling iron or better yet a crimper, and use it to on small sections of wet, conditioned, combed-out hair to temporarily straighten it. This will make braiding much faster and less painful and the finished braids will be hold up better. Since the combing out is an ordeal, go for just a couple braids that first day. The next day you can undo one braid at time, wet it down and separate into maybe four sections and rebraid. That gives you a style that will last a few more days, after which you can divide it into yet more sections and end up with cornrows that may last 10 days or so if you're lucky. Then it's time to shampoo, condition, and start over.

When you comb hair out, work from the ends down to the scalp. That way you can get most to the tangles out while holding on to the section of hair so that it doesn't pull and hurt so much.

Get the maximum, eternity-size jar of that expensive goopy hair reconstructor conditioner for dry/damaged/permed hair and use it after each shampoo. If your girls have long hair you will need at least twice as much as the directions say. AA hair is often porous and very absorbent.

Olive oil makes a good pre-shampoo treatment. Warm it up and let it stay in the hair about 5 minutes before shampooing. I add a few drops of lavender or rose oil so that my daughter's hair doesn't smell like spaghetti.

The last time we went to a salon, the stylists oohed and ahhed over my daughter's healthy, shoulder-length, natural hair. That was a great feeling, and it's only taken 11 years to figure out how to maintain it.


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SKIN PROBLEMS-Head to Toe

Not all AA children have "problem" skin. In my family, immediate or extended, there were only 3 situations I know of. Two required medication. Everybody else used lotion, Vaseline, etc.

All of my daughters have dry skin which is very normal, just like dry white skin, except that, because of their skin color, the dryness shows up as an ashy or white color.

And yes, biracial kids also have skin problems. My oldest has very dry skin and hair, but no problems with dandruff, ashiness or eczema. My middle has normal skin and no problems. My youngest has normal skin, but she does break out periodically in eczema spots on her face. BTW, some of the worst cases of eczema that I've seen have been in Caucasian infants and toddlers.

Bathing Ideas
We do try to give our daughter "stand up baths" instead of having her sit in a tub, as this seems to dry her skin less, and our pediatrician recommends this for girls anyway (to avoid urinary tract problems) We take our toddlers in the shower. The have a lot of fun filling and emptying cups and buckets and playing with other toys, they are easier to get clean, and my hypersensative and eczema suffering son's skin does much better in the shower than in the tub. He still gets some problems around joints and creases, but not nearly as many. We take him in the shower about twice a week, barring a particularly dirty day.

Do we need to bathe a baby every day? I don't see why. Especially when that child has dry skin. When we use drying soaps (which most are) that only compounds the problem. I think we should ask if the child really needs a bath each day. Washing hands frequently, keeping extremities clean and learning good basic hygiene are not the same as taking a full bath or shower every day.

Interestingly, this is true for all races, according to several doctors I've spoken to at various times. Americans bathe far more often than most other cultures (Japan is an exception). Our water is plentiful (although we are using way more than we should) and it's a cultural norm. But in Europe, it is common to bathe less frequently. When I was a teenager, my cousins in an elegant Swiss boarding school, were allowed to bathe only once per week.

Lotions & Soaps

What we use over-the-counter-wise is Moisturel all over his body at least once a day (especially after bathing). We use Dove for bath soap and dhs clear for shampoo.

My doctor said that in really young babies, the cheeks are hardest to treat once the child starts rolling over and teething because inevitably the cheeks will be drenched in drool overnight which will aggravate the problem. He said to use Vaseline for the cheeks.

I love Eucerin lotion or olive oil and our daughters birthmoms have suggested both Vaseline and Crisco (esp. if prone to eczema).There is nothing wrong with the skin when it starts to look ashy. Dryness just shows up more on darker skin than on white.

My 21/2 yr old AA son developed tiny little bumps all over his upper arms and back about a month ago. I have been bathing him every day since he was born and never had a problem as I was using Johnson and Johnson moisturizing bath and Lubriderm after the bath. When his bumps appeared, I started bathing every other day and lotion twice/day but that didn't help.

I then switched to Dove all day moisturizing body wash (it is much neater than the bar soap-no slimy goo) and it worked miracles. I am back to baths every day followed with Lubriberm and his skin looks beautiful.

I used to put Vaseline on his face (morning and evening) but recently switched to the creamy petroleum jelly and haven't had any chapped cheeks since I switched. Aquaphor

This is what I used on an AA foster son we used to have -- his skin was incredibly dry. He had the blackest of black complexions, and his skin was ashy. The doctor recommended I use the Aquaphor on top of oil to lock moisture in. Still had to re-do his whole little bod every day, but it did help.

We have 7 AA children and 2 AA/Cauc. children and their skin gets very dry and ashy also. After trying prescription lotions and otc lotions and potions, we asked some AA friends of ours and their recommendation was Vaseline.

We use this all the time now and their skin looks wonderful.. It's inexpensive also.



Oatmeal baths help allot. You do not have to go broke buying Aveno. Just take the quick cook oatmeal and put it in your coffee grinder. It works just like Aveno, as all Aveno is, is colloidal oatmeal, meaning it stays temporarily in solution. Our son, N. has papular eczema, and this works great, as it does for our two other kids with problematic dry skin.

Chelsea was the ashiest child I ever seen. I bought so many products for her, trying to figure out what will work for her. The ONLY thing that keeps her from looking ashy, is Vaseline. That's all i use now, and her skin looks so nice.

I use two things--first, I put all of my kids on flax seed oil. You get it at a health food store--works from the inside out. Then I use homemade lotion on them. And never use soap. My other AA friends use that really heavy Eucerin cream, but since I make my own, I don't. The homemade works best because it has nothing in it as far as scents, additives, etc.

I used the unscented Dove for sensitive skin because several A/A teachers said that is what they use. I grease him at night with cocoa butter ointment, or Vaseline. I put it all over real thick, and put long sleeves and sweat pants on him. I grease his head the same way and put a head rag on at night. After all bathes....put cocoa butter oil on wet skin, and then pat dry skin. He gets very ashy, and sometimes his knees will crack open, because the skin is so dry. Put it everywhere!!!! You can even get Cocoa butter soap.

One little boy we had, we tried EVERYTHING suggested to us, with no success. The ONLY thing that worked for him was Eucerin cream (not lotion) twice daily PLUS after baths.

I've been using a comb to separate the hair and massaging her scalp with Africa's Best Ultimate Herbal Oil which smells nice and seems to keep her hair in really good condition.

I use African Royale Soft As Me or second best is Motions Extra Conditioner. I found them at Sally Beauty supply. My other son has to use Aquaphor and Elocon Cream because of his tendencies for eczema.

In my experience with exchange students who are adjusting to drier climates, and various animals with excessively dry skin, we've had good results with fatty supplements - especially A, D, and E.


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Eczema and/or Extra Dry Skin:

Be careful because some black children can get a fungal infection in their scalp if you're not really careful. You need to make sure that you scrub the scalp with your fingers and don't allow too much buildup.

One thing you might want to rule out are allergies. Allergic reactions often cause or exacerbate eczema. There can be environmental causes (dust, mold, pets, fragrances, etc) or food. Milk and all dairy products (including yogurt and cottage cheese), eggs, peanuts, corn, and wheat are some of the most common allergens that cause problems with eczema. Check with your pediatrician about a referral to an allergist.

What are the signs of a fungal infection?

If her hair just fell out, it could be any number of things from braids that were too tight to the scalp and broke off, to kids tumbling around, to aropeciata (patch baldness--probably spelled that wrong), internal stuff...best to have a dermatologist look at it. A fungal infection gets looking very nasty. It begins looking like little lesions on the scalp and eventually, if untreated, can grow into a huge mess of leaking sores, scabs, and so on. It itches and burns...in fact, it's a lot like jock itch (sorry!) and athlete's foot only in the scalp. Not a fun thing. Mine had it when they came to us and unfortunately, it's contagious and little S. got it from another kid at school and has been fighting it for almost three weeks.

Our doctor told us to put the cream for athletes foot on the scalp and then the cortaide that you buy over the counter two times a day and it cleared it up right away.

My son is AA and 19 months old, he has always had a little trouble with eczema, a particularly bad spot on his leg about the size of a quarter and various other little patches here and there.

After trying numerous creams and lotions, we went to a dermatologist for our son's eczema and have several prescriptions that work well, but I worry about overuse. This past weekend he woke up with bumps ALL OVER him! (No it's not hives and it's not chicken pox). I am sure it is eczema, but I am unsure how to treat it. Poor baby! He itches all the time!

The doctor had me treat the patches on his face, (his cheeks were really bad this fall) and his leg with hydrocortisone, it didn't help until I used the cream 5 or 6 times a day as she finally recommended. I still use baby soap (a moisturizing formula) on him to keep the irritation from soap down as much as possible and limit baths to 1 or 2 a week to keep his skin from drying out. I use a hypoallergenic baby lotion with aloe on his whole body every morning and anytime during the day that I notice him scratching. If a place is especially bad I use the hydrocortisone cream.

My question - is it OK to slather him in hydrocortisone from head to foot every day? I seem to remember something about people become resistant, or allergic, or dependent, or something on hydrocortisone if it is used a lot. Is there anything else I can do or use to help him? I have tried giving him Dimetapp or Benadryl for the itch but it doesn't seem to work very well for that. Besides it doesn't help his skin any.

Answer:

I would NOT "slather" my child with hydrocortisone cream unless it was specifically prescribed by the pediatrician and being carefully monitored. Hydrocortisone is readily absorbed through the skin into the blood and circulated throughout the body. There can be complications from prolonged heavy dosage of topical hydrocortisone creams and ointments. It can also be very drying to the skin if used in excess, and that will only make the condition worse. If itching is a severe problem, and scratching is causing infections, pediatricians may combine both a cortisone and an antibiotic ointment to be used.

One other thought - some pediatricians can be fairly lackadaisical about eczema unless one of their own children has had a severe case and they've had to personally live with it. Don't let them fluff it off. Babies with eczema sometimes develop into children with asthma, which indicates to me that the condition can be more than just skin deep.

When we see a patch or notice him scratching, we use Desonide (prescription) and if it is open/sore from scratching we apply Bactroban (prescription) as well. He also takes an oral prescription daily that seems to help a bit (Zyrtec). He goes for his 3 year check up on Monday. He has a spot on his chin and around his lip that will not go away this winter. Also our doc recommended pajamas that keep his arms and legs covered at night.

We struggle with having to use medication and haircare products at the same time. So far we have found the best way to keep it under control is to keep his hair and scalp very mosturized with eucerin, lubriderm or cocoa butter cremes, which isn't always a wonderful look for his hair (loose wet looking curls), but keeps the eczema under control.

If your child’s scalp is not getting enough moisture, and if her scalp ever has an odor to it get to the doctor. That is what happened when my three year old got that fungus infection when she was a baby. The dermatologist told me it was from too many washing of the hair and from not keeping the scalp conditioned.

My almost 9 month old son has had problems with eczema since he was about 2 months. Much of it has cleared up (particularly his face) but there are still some refractory parts (elbows, legs and creases). On his pediatrician's advice, I've done the following and all have helped. Switch formula from milk based to soy. Humidifier in nursery. Run it at night. Ditched all varieties of "baby soap" and "baby lotion" in favor of Cetaphil bath wash and lotion (applied liberally). Aveeno seems good too. No drying after baths. Pat down and immediately apply lotion. Eucerin was too strong for him. Always burned and he would cry. Also ditched the Dreft "baby laundry detergent" in favor of Ivory Snow. All cotton clothes as much as possible.

Did have a consult with a dermatologist who said basically that my son just has to outgrow it and to continue as above. He did give me a concoction to rub on the real tough spots as treatment but not prophylaxsis. I call it a concoction because it is a mixture of things and he directed me to the pharmacies in the are that have experience whipping it up.

I "prevent" my son from scratching his legs by dressing him in sleepers for as much of the day as possible.

My 4 year old AA son has had a terrible experience with very severe and persistent eczema. At one point, it covered 70-80% of his body and he would only sleep for about 3 hours at night due to the severe itching and pain. We saw many doctors and even traveled several hours to see specialists at the Cleveland Clinic. We have tried about every steroid, antihistamine, lotion and cream that is out there. The skin problems of eczema are bad, but I think the degradation in quality of life due to irritability and frustration from constant itching and lack of sleep are the worst part. It effects the child and the whole family.

We have found some recent, but possibly temporary success (his eczema is actually almost totally gone at this point) from an ointment produced by Fujisawa called Tacrolimus. It is currently only available through clinical trials (check with your dermatologist or call Fujisawa at 1-800-727-7003 for more info) but has been submitted to the FDA and approval is expected within the next year or so.

I should mention that I do not work for Fujisawa or sell this ointment! I have no interest in promoting it other than seeing the great results we have had and hearing about success with other children (and adults) in eczema distress. I really think eczema is treated as a very mild problem by most Doctor's and that the effect it has on a persons life is greatly underestimated.

OK--take this for what it's worth--and you need to consult a dermatologist. BUT, I believe that putting certain kinds of oils on your child's skin can actually promote dryness and cracking as it doesn't allow the skin to breath and utilize it's natural oils. Better to use something natural and breathable (read ingestible) like olive oil or almond oil. Just my opinion.

A. and A. (both Hispanic) get eczema off and on during the year. At our pediatrician's suggestion, we switched from baby soap to Dove Super-Sensitive (no dyes or perfumes), we slather them both with Lubriderm Seriously Sensitive 2x a day, and we try to limit their baths. A. rarely takes baths anymore; we switched her to a shower since it dries her skin less. Also, we use a slightly rough washcloth to wash them for light dermabrasion (A. in particular gets a hereditary form of dry skin with lots of little bumps--the washcloth really helps prevent it). When A gets really bad we have to use cortisone, since her skin tends to get infected quickly. We haven't had to do long-term cortisone yet, though, and neither of my kids itch from their eczema.

Also, have try cool mist humidifiers (watch that the humidity doesn't get too high) and several bottles/cups of water a day for him? That helps my girls too.

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